hanger-on about some of the lowest dives at the lower end of town

POLICE COURT

Arthur Davis, a negro who has frequently been sent to jail for roaming the streets after midnight, was tried and convicted in the police court yesterday on a charge of vagrancy. Davis, for months past, has been a hanger-on about some fo the lowest dives at the lower end of town, among them a newly incorporated 5-cent all-round liquor establshment, and has made himself conspicuous by his general worthlessness. Davis pleaded that he one time washed a window, and on another occasion a floor. Judge Dement, in passing sentence, told David he had given him quite a number of opportunities to reform, and this time would allow him twenty-five days to debate and think over the subject. It cost Minnie Reynolds 10$ for acting in a disorderly manner and disturbing the neighbors on the vicinity of her residence Monday night. Officer Beach arrested her. She put up $10 bail, amd failing to appear for trial it was ordered into the city treasury.

-May 19 1886

["You are conspicuous by your general worthlessness."
"No! I washed a window, once."
"To see whether the saloon was open yet!"
"And a floor!"
"You were very drunk, and crawling in circles crying."]

A dozen of chickens

A dozen of chickens escaped from a coop at the corner of Front and Stark streets, yesterday. An army of clerks and porters collected and "shoved" them into Hedge, Davis & Co.'s establishment, where they flew up on a desk in the corner, upset the inkstand, and after dipping their feet in the ink, ran across some sheets of paper and wrote a lot of what would pass for editorial copy. By the time the fowls were corraled the place looked like a played out chicken ranch.

-September 22, 1883

[Hardy har har! Take that chief! Your handwriting sucks!]

As usual, a woman is at the bottom of it all

WANTS PAY FOR KEEPING A CHILD
Isaac Thompson, of Marquam's Mount, the wood butcher, whose alleged wife deserted him for her original and only husband, James P. Rahilley, and who caused her arrest on a charge of bigamy, yesterday commenced suit in state circuit court against the said James P. Rahilley, to recover the sum of $1140, alleged to be due to him for taking care of boarding and lodging Matilda Rahilley, a minor child of the Rahilleys aforesaid. the time during which he cared for Matilda is put down at fifty-seven months, and it is claimed that the sum of $1140 is a reasonable one for the services rendered. Just how all the trouble between Thompson and the Rahilleys will terminate is difficult to imagine. As usual, a woman is at the bottom of it all, and she appears to be a very free and easy sort of a female, too. Deserted by one man she twines around another like the regulation ivy round the oak, and is happy once more. the deserter returns and she untwines and leaves the oak on which she leaned with as little regret as if he was a cast-off slipper, and is now happy with her first love. It is to be hoped that the fair sex will not adopt the fashion set out by this sister, as it will tend to mix families, and will make some men as mad as blazes.

-April 5, 1885

[Copywriter: Say, chief, how's this for the Rahilley piece?
Editor: (reading under breath) '...will terminate is difficult to imagine.' Hmm, needs more maudlin metaphor! Skip to it!
Copywriter: Like a drunk teenage poet, you got it, chief!]

Cthulhu