Patriotic sack lunch.

Yay America! Hang in there, buddy!

hanger-on about some of the lowest dives at the lower end of town

POLICE COURT

Arthur Davis, a negro who has frequently been sent to jail for roaming the streets after midnight, was tried and convicted in the police court yesterday on a charge of vagrancy. Davis, for months past, has been a hanger-on about some fo the lowest dives at the lower end of town, among them a newly incorporated 5-cent all-round liquor establshment, and has made himself conspicuous by his general worthlessness. Davis pleaded that he one time washed a window, and on another occasion a floor. Judge Dement, in passing sentence, told David he had given him quite a number of opportunities to reform, and this time would allow him twenty-five days to debate and think over the subject. It cost Minnie Reynolds 10$ for acting in a disorderly manner and disturbing the neighbors on the vicinity of her residence Monday night. Officer Beach arrested her. She put up $10 bail, amd failing to appear for trial it was ordered into the city treasury.

-May 19 1886

["You are conspicuous by your general worthlessness."
"No! I washed a window, once."
"To see whether the saloon was open yet!"
"And a floor!"
"You were very drunk, and crawling in circles crying."]

A dozen of chickens

A dozen of chickens escaped from a coop at the corner of Front and Stark streets, yesterday. An army of clerks and porters collected and "shoved" them into Hedge, Davis & Co.'s establishment, where they flew up on a desk in the corner, upset the inkstand, and after dipping their feet in the ink, ran across some sheets of paper and wrote a lot of what would pass for editorial copy. By the time the fowls were corraled the place looked like a played out chicken ranch.

-September 22, 1883

[Hardy har har! Take that chief! Your handwriting sucks!]

As usual, a woman is at the bottom of it all

WANTS PAY FOR KEEPING A CHILD
Isaac Thompson, of Marquam's Mount, the wood butcher, whose alleged wife deserted him for her original and only husband, James P. Rahilley, and who caused her arrest on a charge of bigamy, yesterday commenced suit in state circuit court against the said James P. Rahilley, to recover the sum of $1140, alleged to be due to him for taking care of boarding and lodging Matilda Rahilley, a minor child of the Rahilleys aforesaid. the time during which he cared for Matilda is put down at fifty-seven months, and it is claimed that the sum of $1140 is a reasonable one for the services rendered. Just how all the trouble between Thompson and the Rahilleys will terminate is difficult to imagine. As usual, a woman is at the bottom of it all, and she appears to be a very free and easy sort of a female, too. Deserted by one man she twines around another like the regulation ivy round the oak, and is happy once more. the deserter returns and she untwines and leaves the oak on which she leaned with as little regret as if he was a cast-off slipper, and is now happy with her first love. It is to be hoped that the fair sex will not adopt the fashion set out by this sister, as it will tend to mix families, and will make some men as mad as blazes.

-April 5, 1885

[Copywriter: Say, chief, how's this for the Rahilley piece?
Editor: (reading under breath) '...will terminate is difficult to imagine.' Hmm, needs more maudlin metaphor! Skip to it!
Copywriter: Like a drunk teenage poet, you got it, chief!]

Cthulhu

American Flyer

American Flyer box label, a photo by d.d. tinzeroes on Flickr.

This was a lovely surprise. I recently got the kids (and me!) some G-scale electric toy train stuff. The extra track received today was in a box which turned out to be an older box turned inside out. I was about to recycle it when I noticed the American Flyer box label afixed to the inside wall. Its an old label but its barely faded at all and its not stained or wrinkled, really. I just cut the cardboard so I have the label only and ditched the box. Might look nice in a little frame, I dunno. I love little scores like this.

I can't recommend this.

We went to the Mult. Co. Fair at Oaks Park. We brought our own sandwiches and stuff but we craved a side of fries. The vendor tents could only provide us with these 'fry bricks,' which I cannot recommend. Under different conditions, namely, extended frying to create crisp fries, it could be good. Instead they are just barely cooked, and the brick name merely a portent of things to come.

the pilgrim, being an extreme case

A HAPPY QUARTETTE

   The city refrigerator is now engaged in cooling off four fire-water fiends [?]. One of those, Maxiel [?], the pilgrim, being an extreme case, is booked for fifteen days; another named Cook, gathered in by Officer Jerelaman [?] night before last, is under a three days term; the other two were capture by the marshal yesterday morning, while disporting at the foot of L street. The latter will be examined this morning. As misery [?] loves company, the quartette is not entirely devoid of consolation.

-May 30, 1883

["The pilgrim, being an extreme case." Yes, who can forget Maxiel, hapless pilgrim to Jerusalem, waylaid in remote Portland, Oregon, succumbing to and gaining notoriety with the local magistrates for Biblical consumption of beer and spirits. This news piece comes from the 'East Portland' column, a few years before Portland merged with East Portland and Albina. In East Portland, bars could not be open on Sundays. The bars complied, and simply let customers in through the back doors - "front door's locked, sheriff, we're closed!"]

Canned corn

Failed bus stop breakfast.

left a lead mark on his underwear

FOUR SLUGS IN HIS BODY AND NOT KILLED
   On Saturday, the 28th ultimo, at Marshfield, Coos County, D. J. Delauney shot F. A. Anderson with a double-barrelled shotgun, loaded with slugs, bullets and small shot. DeLauney fired at night from his window, the victim being about 100 feet distant in the street. Six of the shot or bullets took effect. One entered the left breast and ranged inward. Another penetrated the scalp near the crown of the head, passed under the skin and next to the skull for a distance of two or three inches, and passed out. Another struck on the outer side of the left leg, half-way between the knee and the hip, and passed out. Another struck about the center of the left thigh, ranging in towards the bone. Another passed through the victim's trousers, left a lead mark on his underwear and burnt a round hole in the skin of the leg beneath, and sixth struck the right hand, between the knuckles of the first and second fingers, followed the bone and came out near the wrist. The reason none of the shots were fatal, is that the assailant used too much lead and not enough powder in the charge. Anderson will recover. Cause of the shooting was alleged intimacy between the assailant's wife and Anderson. DeLauney is a steamboat engineer, and Anderson a livery stable keeper.

-April 5, 1885

[Not enough powder in the charge - that's what Mrs. DeLauney said! ZING! That said, Mr. Anderson might have the world's greatest bar bet-winning story from this: "so, there was me and the steamboat engineer's wife in the kitchen, and the man hisself walks in the door, swears he's going to kill me, and runs upstairs! So I hitch up me trousers and start running down the road and KA-BLAMMEY he give me both barrels, and ssswifft! In and out of me hand (indicates a scar) and noggin (indicates another)!" Bartender: "A'yup, Anderson wins the fiver!"]